Epic Battle Or So We Thought
by whitewolf1123
Summary: Bro and I attempt a ninja fight but constantly get interrupted by random stupidity. Violent language and character destruction. Very funny.
1. Act 1: Begin Fight!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto and i do not hate any of the characters. I'm just making this funny!

Characters:

Sai: 19-year old, sister to Yasha, long brown hair tied in mid-height pony with bangs hanging in face, brown eyes

Yasha: 13-year old, brother to Sai, shaggy brown hair tilted to the the left in a skater/emo-ish kinda way, brown eyes, not emo

You know the rest

Act 1. Begin fight

_setting in large field, spring, daytime. Sai and Yasha stand at opposite sides of field_

**Sai:** "Ready for a beat down, Little Brother?"

**Yasha: **"Ha, you wish!" *flips hair out of eye*

**Sai: ***puts hand on hip and leans on one leg* "Psh! Emo brat."

**Yasha: ***points at Sai drastically* "Fuck you!"

_Sasuke pops up out of fucking nowhere_

**Sasuke: **"Did somebody say emo?"

**Sai: **"Shut your whore mouth, Sasuke!"

_Sasuke sobs emo-like and then cries while running away like a girl_

**Yasha: **"O....kay..... Anyway!" *turns to Sai* "I'm gonna take you down!" *charges at Sai*

_Yasha reaches Sai but Sai side steps him just before he punches. He loses balance and falls flat on his face, in the mud."_

**Sai:** *laughs uncontrollably*

**Yasha: **"You fucking bitch." *stabs Sai's leg with kunai*

**Sai: ***falls on ass* "You asshole!!"

**Yasha: **"Muwahaha!" *rolls away then stands*

**Sai: ***dislodges kunai and stands* "No more playing around!" *throws kunai at Yasha's head* "Shadow clone jutsu!"

**Yasha:**"Woah!" *dodges kunai. sees clones* "Oh shit."

_Shadow clones attack Yasha. He does well to dodge and block. then all clones poof away leaving cloud of smoke. Sai's fist comes down and hits Yasha in face. Yasha goes POOF!_

**Sai: **"Shit! You little bastard!"

**Yasha: ***sitting in tree* "Hahaha, idiot!" *jumps down* "My turn! Fire style! Phoenix Flower Jutsu!" *fire spurts at Sai*

_Sasuke runs across field still crying. He runs into the fire accidentally and is now on fire. Sasuke screams and runs away...on fire...falls in lake. not on fire anymore._

**Sai: ***looks at Yasha questioningly* "What the fuck is his problem?"

**Yasha: ***Shrugs* "Ummm....I don't fuckin' know!"

**Sai: **"Oh well. Back to our fight."

**Yasha: **"Right!" *charges at Sai with Kunai in each hand*

**Sai: ***throws marbles on ground*

**Yasha: ***slips on marbles. stabs self in arm.* "Owwwww!!!! Fuck!"

**Sai:** "Fucking idiot!"

**Yasha: ***stands up holding bloody arm* "Owwww...*

_Suddenly the two feel a tremor across the field. They look up to see Sasuke running towards them. He is being chased by a giant human boulder, aka Choji. Sai and Yasha jump out of way. Sasuke screams in a girly high pitch as he runs by. Behind Choji is Sakura running along._

**Sakura: **"No Choji! Don't hurt him." *suddenly has personality change* "If you flatten him I'll kill you! Cha!!!" *suddenly falls over.*

_Yasha had thrown a rock and hit Sakura in back of head. She is bleeding...a lot. Rock Lee comes up out of fucking nowhere._

**Sai: ***walks to Yasha* "Nice throw!" *high fives*

**Lee: **"Sakura NOOOOO!!!!!!" *cries*_Gai-sensei comes out of fucking nowhere_

**Gai:** *in an over dramatic tear filled voice* "It's okay, Lee! We all go through a time when we lose a loved one! But you must continue on living! Don't give up or her death will be in vain!"

**Sai: ***talks in whispers to Yasha while watching Lee and Gai* "Why are they talking about her being dead? I can see her breathing."

**Yasha: **"I don't fucking know! It's Lee and Gai why the fuck would ask me?"

**Sai: **"Why don't we tell them she's alive?"

**Yasha:** "'Cuz this is way too fucking funny!"

**Lee:** "Oh, Gai-sensei!"

**Gai: **"Oh, Lee!" *embraces Lee and they cry.*

**Sai:** "I think they're gay."

**Yasha: **"That would not surprise me."

**Sai: **"I'm fucking done! These guys are retarded. We can't even fight in an empty field!"

**Yasha: **"Yeah I'm going home. I'll pown your ass tomorrow."

**Sai:** "Yeah, you fucking wish!"

_Random medical ninja takes Sakura to hospital as Sai and Yasha turn in. Lee and Gai are still crying in each other's arms. We don't know where Sasuke is, but we can still feel tremors so we assume Choji hasn't run out of chakra yet._

Stay tuned for** Act 2** coming soon! ......I hope tomorrow...but it may take 2 or 3 days...me and bro are brainstorming....sry!!!!! **Review** plz if you have a suggestion on random crap to add go ahead and tell me!


	2. Act 2

Disclaimer: Don't own anything in here except the characters Sai and Yasha

Act 2.

_Morning. Sai and Yasha sit for breakfast. It is very quiet and peaceful. Yasha looks at Sai_

**Yasha: **"Dude, it's way too fucking quiet. I feel like something's wrong."

**Sai: **"Yeah, I know what you mean."

_Dramatic Pause. Suddenly their front door gets kicked in by a screaming Naruto. He runs to the kitchen where Yasha and Sai are._

**Yasha: **"Naruto what the fuck is your problem?! Get out of my house!"

**Naruto: **"I'm being chased by a... by a...a..."

**Sai: **"Spit it out you tool!" *Grips Naruto by collar*

**Naruto: **"An Alien!" *cries*

_Yasha and Sai look at each other. They shake their heads and sit back down to eat._

**Naruto: **"Guys I'm serious! It's big and blue and ugly!"

**Yasha: ***kicks Naruto in face* "Get the fuck out."

**Naruto: ***sobbing on floor rubbing cheek* "B-b-but..."

**Sai: **"No buts, Naruto. Go home!"

_Gun shots sound from outside_

**Yasha: **"Was that a gun? There are no guns in Naruto."

**Sai: **"I know that, dolt!"

_A big alien runs through the kicked-in door followed by a black armored halo soldier. They enter the kitchen. The soldier shoots the alien. Alien falls. Naruto squeals like a girl._

**Sai: **"Holy fuckin shit! Who the hell are you?!"

**???: **"Tex. I've been tracking this sucker for a while. Finally got him."

**Yasha: **"How do you know it's a him?"

**Tex: **"That." *points to area*

**Sai: **"Holy crap is that his...?"

**Tex: **"Yep. That was my reaction."

_All stare except for Naruto who is huddled in a corner rocking back and forth._

**Yasha: **"Okay get out of my house. And take your creepy alien with you."

_Tex shrugs and drags alien away._

**Sai: **"Are we ever gonna have a normal day around here?" *Kicks Naruto out of house*

**Yasha: **"Probably not. I'll meet you at the field for our fight today."

**Sai: **"Kay. See you there."

Narrator on Spongebob: "One hour later."

**Yasha: ***in a cocky voice* "Ha so you acctually showed up."

**Sai: **"You fucking moron I told you I'd be here."

**Yasha: **"Right. Well. Shut up and fight me!"

**Sai: **"Fine!" *pulls out halo gun. shoots at Yasha.*

**Yasha: ***dodges* "What the fuck? Did you steal that from that chick with the alien?!"

**Sai: **"Maybe."

**Yasha: **"That's cheating!"

**Sai: **"Oh fine!" *throws gun on ground. gun goes off.*

_Scream in the distance._

**Yasha: **"Was that a man or woman?"

**Sai: **"I think it was a Sasuke."

**Sasuke: **"I've been hit! Ack!" *walks towards them clutching bloody side. falls to ground."

_Suddenly all Konoha girls pop up out of fucking nowhere and cry about Sasuke dying._

**Yasha: **"Fucking idiots."

**Sakura: **"Oh Sasuke! You can't leave me!"

**Ino: **"Leave you?! He's leaving me!"

**Sakura: **"No he's leaving me you whore!"

**Sai: **"They are fighting about someone leaving them. Are they stupid?"

**Yasha: **"Yes."

**Sai: ***yells to girls* "Did you dumb bitches ever think that he's still alive and you should bring him to a hospital?!"

**Ino: **"You don't know anything, old hag!"

**Yasha:** *slowly steps back as Sai's face turns red.*

**Sai: **"Alright ya little bitch... Yasha, I think our fight will have to be put on hold."

**Yasha: **"OKay, no prob." *runs about 20 yards away to watch at safe distance.*

_All Konoha boys show up and sit with Yasha and eat popcorn watching the soon-to-be masacre of fangirls._

**Sai: **"What was that you fucktard?"

**Ino: **"I called you a hag."

**Sai: **"Okay, just because you haven't hit puberty yet, little brat, doesn't mean i'm an old hag."

Back with boys

**Naruto: ***last to arrive* "What are you guys doing?"

**Yasha: **"Shut the fuck up, Naruto!" *throws popcorn and hits Naruto in face*

With Girls

_Sai is fighting all girls and is totally kicking ass. She's about to stab Ino when Kakashi pops out of fucking nowhere and grabs Sai's wrist._

**Sai: **"What the fuck, Kakashi?"

**Kakashi: **"I can't let you go around killing all of the Konoichi in Konoha."

**Sai: **"I'm not killing all of them. Just Ino."

**Kakashi: ***pulls Sai into his arms* "Well Don't."

**Sai: ***blushes fiercely* "Okay."

With Boys

_All sighing because fight is over_

**Yasha: **"Man! Kakashi ruins fucking everything. He's such a dumbass." *rock hits him in head.* "Ow! Fuck!"

With Girls

_Sai had heard Yasha and threw a rock at him. Kakashi leaves. Most girls are severly injured. 20 Random medical ninja show up and take them to hospital. They forgot Sasuke who is still bleeding._

_All boys leave and Yasha walks up to Sai._

**Yasha: **"Feel better?"

**Sai: **"Yeah, but now I don't want to fight you."

**Yasha: **"Me neither. I'm gonna go make Naruto hate himself even more."

**Sai: **"Okay, just make sure your home for dinner."

**Random Medical Ninja: **"We forgot one." *grabs Sasuke and leaves.*

**Yasha: **"Okay, I'm leaving."

**Sai: **"Yeah, I think i'll see if there is a mission for me."

_Both leave. It's only 10 in the morning and they no longer wish to fight thanks to the retards who live here._

Thanks for reading as always. And a special thanks to today's guest stars: Tex and Psycho Alien from Rooster Teeth's Red vs. Blue.

Stay tuned for Act 3! Guest Starring A special character from ­Final Fantasy. I'm not telling you which one. You'll have to red the next Act coming soon(2-3 days). Thanks again!


	3. Act 3

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in here except Yasha and Sai.

Act 3.

_The next day around 1 or so in the afternoon. Sai and Yasha are in the field staring at each other. Yasha blinks._

**Yasha: **"Dammit! I blinked!"

**Sai: **"I win."

**Yasha: **"Fine, you won the staring contest but I'll win the fight!"

**Sai: **"Bring it on, brat."

**Yahsa: ***puts hands together* "Summoning Jutsu! Giant Ass Sword!"

**Sai: **"That's not a real jutsu!"

**Yasha: **"Shut up! I just invented it this week!" *a really, really, REALLY, long sword that defies all science and logic appears.*

_Yasha grabs the sword and as soon as his hand touches it, the Sephiroth theme begins to play. _

**Sai: **"Where is that music coming from?"

**Yasha: **"I don't know." *shrugs. then charges at Sai*

**Sai: **"Okay it looks like it should be impossible to weild that sword. It's bad enough that Cloud has a sword no human could weild because it's freakin' twice their own weight, but Sephiroth's sword...Holy Crap. I'm surprised that thing is still in one piece! It's so unbalanced, that the blade should have snapped by now and killed the bastard."

**Yasha: **"Quit your bitchin' and fight me!"

**Sai:** "Oh fine!" *ends up blocking the sword with a tiny kunai*

**Yasha: **"Oh what the fuck!?"

**Sai: **"I'm just better than you."

_Suddenly Sephiroth shows up. He walks around the field searching for something. Yasha and Sai watch him. Sephiroth picks up rocks and looks behind trees, then sees the others and goes over to them._

**Sephiroth: **"You two haven't seen a really, really, REALLY long sword around have you?"

_Sai looks at Yasha who quickly puts the sword behind his back. It is obviously there and can be seen._

**Yasha: **"N-no. Have you, Sai?"

**Sai:** "Yeah, it's..." *smoke bomb goes off in face and is now coughing*

**Yasha: ***had thrown smoke bomb* "No, she hasn't seen it either."

**Sephiroth: ***examines Yasha. puts hand on chin and makes the 'hm' sound. stands up straight* "I guess I'll have to keep looking."

**Sai: ***jaw drop*

**Yasha: ***jaw drop*

_A group of people approach. It is Cloud, Vincent, Tifa, and Yuffie._

**Cloud:** "Dude, there he is!" *all run to Sephiroth* "Let's fight, Sephiroth! Let's fight for the one hundren millionth time!"

**Sephiroth: ***while looking around the ground he puts his hand up to Cloud* "Hold on, Cloud, I lost my sword."

**Cloud: **"Again?! What the fuck?!"

**Tifa: **"You know, I hear they make a pill for that nowadays."

*all look at Tifa*

**Vincent: **"I don't think he meant THAT sword."

**Yuffie: **"Yeah you stupid slut!" *slaps Tifa in face*

**Tifa: **"Owwww!!!! Cloud she hit me!"

**Cloud: **"Shut up, woman and look for Sephiroth's sword!" *slaps Tifa in face*

**Tifa: **"Owwwww!!!!"

**Vincent: ***slaps Tifa in face*

**Tifa: **"Ow, Vincent! What was that for?!"

**Vincent: ***shrugs* "I just felt left out."

_Yasha and Sai look at each other with the WTF?! look._

**Cloud: **"Dammit, Sephiroth! This is like the fifth time this week. How do you lose a sword that big?"

**Sai: ***looks at Yasha and whispers* "How many times have you summoned that sword?"

**Yasha:** "Counting this time? Five."

**Sai:** "Give it back."

**Yasha:** "B-b-but they'll eat me!"

**Sai: **"Baka!" *hits Yasha on head. Yasha drops sword. Sai yells so they can hear* "Hey look! I found a sword! Is this the one you're looking for?"

*all look over*

**Sephiroth: **"My sword!!!" *runs over and picks up sword. he cuddles it*

**Cloud: **"Great, you found it. Let's go finish our fight now."

**Sephiroth: **"Be patient, you'll fight me another gazillion times anyway. Why rush?"

_They bicker as they leave._

**Sai: **"Is it just me, or do we attract stupid people?"

**Yasha:** "We attract stupid people."

_Sasuke walks up with a pen and paper in hand._

**Sai: **"What are you doing?"

**Sasuke: **"Cloud Strife was just here, wasn't he?"

**Yasha:** "Yeah, so?"

**Sasuke: **"He's my hero. I wanted an autograph."

**Sai: ***punches Sasuke in head*

**Yasha: ***kicks Sasuke in face*

_Both feel better after beating up Sasuke, so they leave, no longer wanting to fight._

Thanks for reading guys! And thanks to our guest stars: Sephiroth, Cloud, Tifa, Yuffie, and Vincent! Sorry this wasn't as funny as previous Acts! Act 4's guest will be someone who wants to be the very best! Hint hint! See if you can guess right when you read Act 4! Reviews are nice!


	4. Act 4

Disclaimer: Don't own anyone except Yasha and Sai

Act 4.

_Day 4. A bit cloudy out today. Sai and Yasha attempt a fight today hoping no one will be out._

**Sai: **"I really hope no one goes out today."

**Yasha: **"Yeah. Wether sucks." *throws senbon at Sai*

**Sai: ***does a few flips away to dodge*

**Yasha: **"Don't be so fucking fancy all the time!"

**Sai: **"You're just jealous cuz I'm pettier."

**Yasha: **"You are not!"

_Ino pops up_

**Ino: **"Actually, I'm prettier."

**Sai: **"Shut your whore mouth, Ino!" *stabs Ino*

_Ino yells and falls to the ground bleeding. Sakura shows up._

**Sakura: **"Cha!! Ino is dying! Now I can have Sasuke all to myself!"

**Yasha: ***throws kunai at Sakura*

_Sakura screams and falls over bleeding._

**Sai:** "Huh. Odly, I feel pretty good right now."

**Yasha: **"Yeah, me too."

**Sai: **"Good, cuz you'll never be as good as me at anything."

**Yasha: **"I'm gonna be the very best! I'll even beat you!"

_All of a sudden three people walk up. The tallest is looking at a map and the girl is carrying what looks like an egg with eyes. The other boy has a yellow rat on his head._

**Ash: **"Brock, did you get us lost again?"

**Brock: **"I...don't think so."

**Misty: ***looks up map. turns it over* "You were holding it upside down."

**Ash: **"Argh! Dammit, Brock!" *throws hat on ground* "You did it again!"

**Brock: **"Hey! It's not my fault they don't properly lable these things!"

**Misty: **"They do, see." *points to 'up' arrow*

**Brock: **"Oh."

**Ash: **"Dammit!!! If you didn't spend all your time molesting young girls we wouldn't be in this mess!"

**Brock: ***crosses arms* "You're just jealous that you're the main character and you can't do that because it'll ruin your character."

**Ash: **"I am not! I don't even like girls!"

_Awkward silence._

**Brock: **"Wait. Are you...gay, Ash?"

**Ash: **"What?! No you moron! I just mean that I'm eleven and I don't like girls, YET. Come on. Do you here my voice? I still haven't hit puberty yet!"

**Misty: **"Oh wow, TMI." *looks away awkwardly*

**Brock: **"Oh. Yeah. You do have a squeaky voice."

**Ash: **"Thank you."

**Yasha: **"Hey! Do you fucking rejects mind?! We're kinda in the middle of something!"

**Ash: **"You're a fag." *sticks tongue out at him*

**Yasha: **"What'd you say, asswipe?!" *Sai is holding him back*

**Ash: **"I said you're gay."

**Yasha: **"I'm gonna rip your face off!"

**Ash: **"I choose you, Pikachu!"

_Pikachu jumps down and says 'Pika.' Both Sai and Yasha sweat drop._

**Yasha: **"Wait. You're gonna use a rat to fight me?"

**Ash: **"Pikachu, thunderbolt!"

_Both Yasha and Sai are electricuted. They fall over. Stare at each other, then stand back up._

**Yasha: **"Can I?"

**Sai: **"Kill it."

**Yasha: ***throws kunai*

_Pikachu dodges the kunai and is comanded to tackle. He runs up to Yasha, who then punches him in the face. Pikachu goes down and stays down._

**Ash: **"Pikachu, NOOOOOOOOO!!!" *Ash, Brock, and Misty run to Pikachu.* "You may have won against Pikachu, but I have plenty of more Pokemon to beat you with!"

**Sai: **"Before you do that, look down." *she points down*

_All look down. An exploding tag is about to go off._

**Ash: **"What is th....?"

_Boom. Ash, Misty, Brock, and Pikachu blast off very much like Team Rocket would in this situation._

**Ash: **"So this is what it feels like when we do this to Team Rocket!"

_Ping! _

**Yasha: **"Huh. Did you place that tag there?"

**Sai: **"You know it.

**Yasha: **"Well. I don't feel like fighting you after that."

**Sai: ***shrugs* "Oh well. I'm going home."

**Yasha: **"See you."

_They leave. Random medical ninja show up and get Ino and Sakura. _

Thank you special guests Ash, Brock, Misty, and Pikachu from Pokemon! Thanks for reading Act 4! We're not sure who will be our guest in Act 5, but you know it'll be funny as hell! Tune in next time!


End file.
